Recent Quips from Late Night

“On the eve of Tuesday’s primary victories, a defiant Hillary Clinton said, ‘I’m just getting warmed up.’ Which begs the question, ‘Hey, Hillary, how are you gonna be ready on day one if it takes you 31 primaries to get warmed up.’” –Seth Meyers

“A voluntary adviser to Barack Obama resigned Friday after calling rival Hillary Clinton a ‘monster.’ Responded, Hillary: ‘Arghhh.’” –Amy Poehler

“Apparently negative is the new positive. Now the media is trying to goad Barack Obama into taking the gloves off. And I’m not so sure this strategy is any good, you know, having a young black man attack a 60-year-old white lady? She loves to play the victim. She’s already got a new slogan, ‘Hillary Clinton: Please, just take my purse and leave me alone.’” –Bill Maher

“Also eliminated last night, Congressman Ron Paul, of Texas, says he’s winding down his presidential campaign. His supporter is devastated. Ron says he’s looking forward, though, to spending more time with his wife Mrs. Paul, and her delicious pre-packaged seafood products.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Among the people rumored to be a possibility for John McCain’s vice-presidential running mate is 51-year-old Florida Governor Charlie Crist and surprisingly not his brother, Jesus Crist” –Seth Meyers

Pakistani capital on high alert after bomb attack

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan – Pakistan’s capital was on high alert yesterday and embassies reviewed security measures after a bomb struck a restaurant crowded with foreigners, killing a Turkish aid worker and wounding at least 12 others, including four FBI personnel.
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Saturday’s attack appeared to be the first targeting foreigners in a recent wave of violence in Pakistan, which has been battling Al Qaeda- and Taliban-linked militants.

“Four FBI personnel were slightly injured in the bombing attack in Pakistan,” said Special Agent Richard Kolko, an FBI spokesman. “The FBI is providing the necessary assistance to our employees and their families.”

Rock Band night brings out the fans — and game’s creators

On the last Tuesday of last month, Jeff MacIsaac leaned out of the window of the DJ booth at River Gods in Cambridge and announced it was time to start another “Rock Band” video game night. Many, many bars have “Rock Band” nights – it’s been described as the new karaoke – but River Gods is the only one in the world that can include this in its announcement:
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“If you want,” intoned MacIsaac, who is in charge of the entertainment at the bar, “you can play with some of the makers of the game.”

For the hardcore gamer, it’s a bit like getting to watch “Star Wars” with George Lucas – a chance for cult followers to get geeky with the brains behind their obsession. By 10 p.m., when MacIsaac kicked it off, a capacity crowd of about 50 people, beers in hand, had already filled the sign-up sheets, ready to get their shot on the virtual stage of this three-hour rock fest.

Who! Does It

Jim Carrey’s elephant ears were not worn for naught.

Dr. Seuss’ Horton Hears a Who!, the CGI-animated tale starring the voices of Carrey, Steve Carell and Carol Burnett, trounced the weekend competition with $45.1 million, per estimates compiled Sunday by Exhibitor Relations.

The other major new releases, Never Back Down (third place, $8.6 million), a sort of Extreme Fight Club for teens, and Doomsday (seventh place, $4.7 million), the uplifting action tale about death, disease and more death, were among the also-rans.