King of the Jungle?

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”

The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion!

Later, the lion confronts an ox and fiercely bellows, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?”

The terrified ox stammers, “Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!”

On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?”

Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it’d been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.

The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant, “Just because you don’t know the answer, you don’t have to get so upset about it!”

Miller pushes for more power

He isn’t sure how he’ll do it, but Mayor David Miller says city politicians must give him more power if he’s to control crime, build new transit lines and improve the lives of impoverished Torontonians.

“This is about the success of Toronto,” Miller said yesterday, a day after a panel of experts insisted the mayor of Canada’s biggest city needs a bigger gavel. “I have a mandate, and residents of Toronto expect me to deliver on that. I think people would be quite surprised if they understood the law, which makes it extremely difficult for the mayor to deliver on his mandate.

Move your body to Wii Fit

If you’ve been procrastinating on your New Year’s resolution to exercise more, the Nintendo Wii console might hold the incentive you need to get moving.

Announced on Wednesday at the Game Developers Conference (GDC) in San Francisco, Nintendo’s unique Wii Fit product will be available on May 19.

When used with the bundled Wii Balance Board peripheral, which looks like a regular bathroom scale, Nintendo Wii owners can exercise, stretch and do yoga with on-screen avatars – all designed to help keep you fit and lose weight.

Lohan, Murphy cleanup at Razzies

LOS ANGELES — Eddie Murphy and Lindsay Lohan were crowned the worst actors of 2007 at the Golden Raspberry Awards on Saturday and – perhaps not surprisingly – neither star showed up to accept the spoof Oscars.

For their lack of acting prowess, the veteran comic and the young actress with the hard-living reputation each won three gold spray-painted Razzie trophies worth $4.89 each.

The annual honours were announced by the Golden Raspberry Foundation at a presentation that pokes fun at the Academy Awards ceremony that is to be held on Sunday.