Things to Do When Your ISP Is Down

Things to Do When Your ISP Is Down

1. Dial 911 immediately.

2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.

3. You mean there’s something else to do?

4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.

5. Work.

6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.

7. Get that kidney transplant you’ve been putting off.

Engineers vs. Accountants

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

“How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” Asks an accountant.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please.”

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all.

“How are you going to travel without a ticket?” Says one perplexed accountant.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.

When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby.

The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, “Ticket, please.”

Atomic clock accurates to second in 200-plus mln years

BEIJING, Feb. 18 (Xinhuanet) — U.S. physicists have made a new atomic clock so accurate that it will neither gain nor lose even a second in more than 200 million years, media reported Monday.

The clock outperforms the official atomic clock used by the U.S. Commerce Department’s National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST), which promises to keep accurate time down to the second for 80 million years.

Alberta election campaign expected to heat up over the final two weeks

EDMONTON – More than a year after Ed Stelmach became premier of Alberta, it’s still not unusual to find people on the streets of Edmonton who don’t recognize his photo.

It might be seen as a problem for a Progressive Conservative leader seeking his first mandate from voters in the March 3 provincial election – if not for the fact that his opponents appear to have the same problem.

During an informal survey of a dozen people in the Alberta capital, even fewer could identify photos of the Alberta Liberal or NDP leaders at first glance.

No more heroes, lots of blood

The Nintendo Wii’s cute n’ cuddly image just got decapitated.

Somewhere at the intersection of Japanese anime, Grand Theft Auto and the Kill Bill flicks is No More Heroes, easily the bloodiest game on the family-friendly Wii console, and likely the bloodiest video game of the last several years, full stop.

There’s a pedigree here, though: This rollicking, demented, utterly original and (let’s face it) hugely entertaining experience comes from the same minds that gave us Killer 7 for the Nintendo GameCube, which had no shortage of the gushing crimson either.

Terrific Turok turns us on

Turok: Dinosaur Hunter has risen from the dead. And what a revival it is.

What started as an inventive and addictive series back on the Nintendo 64, the Turok series quickly dissipated into a horridly glitch-filled joke of a game.

So it was strange when Propaganda, a newly-formed Vancouver game-development studio, chose Turok as its first project.

The game has spent ages in development but, it has to be said, it was worth the wait.