Vampire bat

Vampire bat

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.

Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it.

He told them to go away and let him get some sleep but they persisted until finally he gave in.

“OK, follow me” he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him.

Down through the valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees.

Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.

“Now, do you see that tree over there?” he asked.

“Yes, Yes, Yes!” the bats all screamed in a frenzy.

“Good” said the bat, “Because I sure as heck didn’t!”

All Out of Anaesthetic

All Out of Anaesthetic

A dentist ran out of anaesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled.

He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient’s butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth extraction.

It all happened in an instant.

The nurse, patient, and pliers were in place. The signal was given, and the nurse bayoneted the patient with the needle just as the dentist yanked the tooth.

Afterwards, the dentist asked, “Hurt much?”

The patient hesitated, “Didn’t hardly feel it come out. And, man, those roots were really deep!”

Hit musicals remove lyrics poking fun at Britney Spears

Troubled pop star Britney Spears is receiving a touch of kindness and sympathy from an unexpected source: the musical theatre community.

Because of the young singer’s recent high-profile woes — including losing custody of her two children, allegations of substance abuse and hospitalization for mental evaluation — changes have been made to current productions of the musicals Monty Python’s Spamalot and We Will Rock You.

Geri Buzz Kills Another Spice Reunion

Girl power, by the looks of it, is a finite thing.

Geri Halliwell has crushed the hopes of tween girls worldwide, putting the kibosh on any future plans for a Spice Girls reunion redo.

“It probably won’t happen ever again,” the artist otherwise known as Ginger Spice told Billboard. “I’m still absolutely blown away that we did more than one show. So, right now I’m thinking this is it. This is the last time you will ever get to see this girl power, the five Spices onstage as one.”

Atlantis astronauts wrap up spacewalk

By Ed Stoddard and Irene Klotz

HOUSTON (Reuters) – Two shuttle Atlantis astronauts wrapped up a spacewalk on Friday to install a solar observatory and a science experiment on Europe’s space lab.

The Columbus module, the European Space Agency’s $1.9 billion permanent space laboratory, was launched aboard NASA’s Atlantis last week and connected to the International Space Station (ISS) on Monday.