Not on our Experimental Farm, Dr. Kitts

Any plan to relocate The Ottawa Hospital’s Civic campus to the Experimental Farm has been quashed by the Department of Agriculture and Agri-Food Canada, the custodians of the federal property.

Comparing it to opening a hotel on Parliament Hill, Michel Falardeau said it’s not something the department would consider for the national historic site.

On Tuesday, Dr. Jack Kitts, the CEO and president of The Ottawa Hospital, said the Civic campus will need to relocate to maintain its position as a pre-eminent Canadian hospital. He pointed to the Experimental Farm across the street as an option – but stressed it was one of many and that the move is decades away.

McLachlan hands out grants to cash-strapped school music programs

VANCOUVER – Seven B.C.-area schools each received $10,000 Band Aid grants from MusiCan, the charitable arm of CARAS, the Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences, at an awards ceremony at the Commodore Ballroom Wednesday morning. On hand to celebrate was eight-time Juno Award-winning artist Sarah McLachlan.

“It’s so sad that arts programs are the first to go with funding cutbacks,” says McLachlan. “Music education is such a gift; a way for expanding, exploring and connectiveness with young people.”

“It certainly saved me at a time when I wasn’t sure which direction I was going.”

A Writer’s Allowed to Choose

A writer died, and due to a bureaucratic snafu in the hereafter, she was to be allowed to choose her own fate: heaven or hell for all eternity. Being very shrewd for a dead person, she asked St. Peter for a tour of both.

The first stop was hell, where she saw rows and rows of writers sitting chained to desks, in a room as hot as a thousand suns. Fire licked the writers’ fingers as they tried to work; demons whipped their backs with chains. Your typical hell scene.

“Wow, this is awful,” said the writer., appalled “Let’s see some heaven.”

In a moment, they were whisked to heaven and the writer saw rows and rows of writers chained to desks, in a room as hot as a thousand suns. Fire licked the writers’ fingers as they tried to work; demons whipped their backs with chains. It looked and smelled even worse than hell.

“What gives, Pete?” the writer asked. “This is worse than hell!”

“Yes,” St. Peter replied, “but here your work gets published.”

Harper accepts main Manley recommendations

OTTAWA – Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s plea for non-partisan civility on the way forward in Afghanistan was drowned out Monday by opposition accusations that the Conservatives deceived Parliament over their handling of Afghan detainees.

As he accepted the recommendations of the John Manley panel on Canada’s future involvement in Afghanistan – including some hard-hitting criticism at his own government – Harper asked Liberal Leader Stephane Dion to back his minority government on a vote of support for the mission in Parliament.

Harper pledged to lead a diplomatic offensive within NATO to wring 1,000 new troops for the embattled Kandahar region, saying the report’s recommendations give him “tremendous ammunition” to take to the alliance’s April leaders’ summit in Romania.

Bitter chill grips the Prairies

CALGARY — Some unenviable records have been set in recent days across the Prairies, where frighteningly frigid temperatures have settled for the remainder of the week.

A persistent Arctic ridge has sent temperatures tumbling well into the -40s – some 25 degrees below normal for this time of year – establishing new lows in communities across Alberta.

Meanwhile, the rest of the country is expected to get its fair share of winter’s wrath Wednesday. Environment Canada spent Tuesday issuing a slew of weather warnings, from Arctic outflows creating high winds and deep chills on British Columbia’s central coast, to freezing rain and heavy snowfalls wreaking havoc on the roads in Mary’s Harbour, Nfld.

Alberta gets a free pass from Campbell

VANCOUVER – Premier Gordon Campbell has carried the climate change message from B.C. to Ottawa to Portugal, but when an opportunity came Monday to talk about Alberta’s controversial role, he remained virtually silent.

Speaking to reporters after a premiers meeting in Vancouver on climate change, Campbell repeatedly brushed aside questions about an Alberta energy plan that has drawn the ire of environmentalists.

Music labels say no deal with Qtrax

NEW YORK (Reuters) – The world’s biggest music companies, including Warner Music Group Corp and Sony BMG, denied that they have agreed to license songs for a free download service that was launched by Qtrax on Monday.

Qtrax told Reuters and other media outlets last week that it had deals with the major labels representing about 75 percent of all music sales, to let users download songs for free in a new service to be supported by advertising revenue.

Spartans Smack John Rambo

The spoof Meet the Spartans edged the return of Sylvester Stallone’s aggrieved vet in the singularly named Rambo for the top spot at the weekend box office, per studio estimates compiled Sunday by Exhibitor Relations.

Meet the Spartans grossed $18.7 million; Rambo, $18.2 million.

“I think people want to laugh, and we appeal to young people and they came out,” Fox exec Bert Livingston said Sunday by way of explaining Meet the Spartans’ win.

FCC levies $1.4M fine over nudity in NYPD Blue

The U.S. Federal Communications Commission has ordered a group of ABC Television stations to pay a $1.4-million US fine over an episode of NYPD Blue that showed nudity.

In a notice filed Friday, the FCC said it would fine 52 ABC affiliate stations in the Central and Mountain time zones for airing the episode.

The agency said it had numerous complaints over a 2003 show in which a boy surprises a woman as she prepares to take a shower.

No Eared Interview

A guy walks in for his interview. The man who’s interviewing him has no ears.

The interviewer asks, “Whats the first thing you notice about me?”

The guy responds, “Why, You don’t have any ears.”

Interviewer: “Get out! Send in the next guy.”

2nd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, “Whats the first thing you notice about me?”

The guy responds, “Why, You don’t have any ears.”

Interviewer: “Get out! Send in the next guy.”

This guy on the way out says to the 3rd guy “Whatever you do, don’t say anything about his not having any ears. He’ll kick you right out.”

3rd guy walks in for his interview.

The interviewer asks, “Whats the first thing you notice about me?”

The guy looks at the interviewer intently for a few seconds and responds, “Why, you wear contact lenses don’t you.”

The interviewer says, “That’s impressive that you’re so observant. How could you tell I wear contact lenses?”

3rd guy “Because you don’t have any ears to hang glasses on.”